What do you do?

Dating is interesting, and by interesting I mean it totally sucks. There is 1 question that makes me cringe and 90% of guys will ask this on a first date...

"What do you do?..." 

*FACE PALM*

If i chose to answer this question like a normal person, than this is when

1. My level of education defines my intelligence.
2. My degree (if I have one) defines my character and motivation.
3. My job defines my salary and future.
4. My hobbies define my physique (provides a visual for what's under my clothes), how outgoing I am, how much of his wallet i'm going to dig into etc.

Number 4 can be a downfall or the part where he puts me on a pedestal so needless to say, I usually skip the first 3 and jump straight to number 4 because if you can't hang with me, you can't hang.

 If you want to know if i'm a responsible, motivated and a successful woman, check my credit score. This question absolutely ruins the fun of getting to know someone and quite frankly, if I tell someone i'm in school for psychology, studying abnormal behaviors and mental illnesses on a FIRST date than he's likely to think, "Well that's interesting, but does it mean she's crazy too?"

ahhhh *double face palm*

Of course i am!! All girls are crazy but he has to find that out himself and trust me, a couple drinks deep, 3 stories in and he will see the crazy. Maybe the good kind, maybe the bad kind, maybe both. It's called being spontaneous and yeah spontaneity is wild and a little scary, it can cause regret and sometimes trouble which totally sucks but in exchange it can create

freedom 

and happiness

and surprise 

and love

 and isn't that what makes the best kind of stories about life?... and love?

Read a book.

In all honesty, what I want my dates to eventually see without asking is the spunky sometimes immature gal who loves adventure and who makes a huge effort to always be kind and considerate of others. Someone who knows her weaknesses as well as her cures for them. I know how to make people laugh and feel good about themselves because deep down, even though school feels endless and my life is a little stagnant, i'm going to make my life out of this because helping others with their problems brings me happiness!! Who knows what my salary will be at the end of the day but my whole life and future will be dedicated giving others love, appreciation, understanding, advice and hugs all while traveling the world in good company, eating good food, laughing at dirty jokes, and maybe doing some reckless shit along the way that gets me scuffed up and bruised. Is that so bad?

because, That's What I Do.

Yours Truly.

Removing the Poison

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we sometimes allow our lives to become stagnate because of one person. How it isn't until after they leave our lives that we realize just how deep in the hole we dug ourselves. It's then that we realize how much time got away. We literally watch the four seasons change before our eyes and it doesn't matter how many red flags we face around every corner. We still find reason to give that poisonous person one more chance, as if enough time hadn't been wasted already. Well, i'll tell you this...

It's Summer.

We've all sat in our own graves counting the midnight moons that go swaying by. It isn't that we can't find the beauty in life, it's that we let the poison control us. Comatosed laying in the grave we made ourselves, we wonder how we will ever find the strength to get out of this dark predicament. There's a fear and question that lies within everyone, "When I get out, will my eyes adjust to the world like I once saw it?" To enlighten you, yes it will. You might wander away feeling difficulty breathing, having a loss of vision, going through mental confusion but these are only symptoms.. It's more than just a breath of fresh air that we need, but rather a shot of antidote.

In life you can't reverse the effects of what i'm calling poison, you can only change the future of them. I hate shots more than anything but I can handle a prick of a needle, I can handle it if it's someone saving my life.. Can you?

First blog post in 2015 and first piece of writing done in over a year... go easy on me grammar Nazis. 

First Impression? Try Again.

Lately i've been getting told alot, "Wow, you know you're really smart Tawnya." 

ummmm.......WTF?

This isn't the first time i've sat shanking my head and thinking to myself, "Oh Tawn, what first impressions are you possibly giving to people that cause them to be dumbfounded by your intelligence?..."

As shocked i am to receive such a compliment, i take it with stride and run with it.

I grew up being extremely shy so it's fair to say i have observed many people in my life and have become very good at reading people. I can see ones insecurities, their lies, their worries, their happiness..exc. Facial expressions are abundant in people and its incredible how when paying close attention, you begin to notice how often people speak greatly with their eyes and how much more meaningful their words become. I feel that my years of being a listener have really blessed me to get to know the inner depth of people and in turn, it's allowed me to become more accepting and relateable to them. My love for people is astronomical and everyday becomes such a greater joy because i never know who's going to walk into my life and change, teach or advise me on something new and it's definitely become one of my finest reasons to wake up in the morning.

As for me, my first impression may not be the most graceful, wise or flat out honest interpretation of who i am but I appreciate those who go beyond their first thoughts and get to know me.  :)

Forgive me, for my childhood was silent which leaves me saturated in awkwardness and incompetence.